I kinda like porn - the worse it is the better.
Seriously, I do like porn sometimes. It's embarrassing to watch it with my husband more than anything, so we don't do it often. After a couple of drinks though, it's not so embarrassing anymore. I think it's embarrassing for both of us, but we eventually relax into the process and yes, the whole point is to make us feel like doing similar.
Okay - those of you who are insecure about it - you need to look at it from a scientific perspective. The reason men like porn and the reason women get jealous of it has to do more with our biological programming than us as people.
Men and women have different reproductive behavior programming because we have such different roles in the process. And yes - even if you have no intention of having any children, ever - your sexual behavior is programmed into you the way it is specifically for the purpose of making more people.
Men are biologically programmed to look for a variety of women to mate with. This is because, and let's face it, their real biological role in the process takes only about 20 minutes.
Sexual behavior in everything from tomatoes to homosapiens is programmed to either protect the individuals DNA in the interest of continuation of the race, or to spread the individuals DNA in the interest of cutivating diversity to find new and more survivable forms.
Because their participation in the process only takes a few moments, men are programmed more towards the "broadcast" method of DNA survival. This has resulted in their natural sexual desire for a variety of women. Men are natural "players". In more modern times, this is often expressed through the enjoyment of pornography, strip bars, and common mall oogling.
Women, on the other hand have a much longer investment in the reproductive process. In the wild, a human offprings requires a minimum of 5-6 years of maternal care. This is more along the lines of the "protect" mode of survival. As a response to this protective instinct, we prefer one long term mate that is dedicated to helping feed and protect the offspring, and because of this we are generally more monogamous, even if only serially. This is why women's pornography is usually a romance novel, with just as much sex as the male type, but with constant partners and emotional intimacy and interaction.
It's much like twinkies, though - we are biologically programmed to eat twinkies. They are full of sugar, which is a super condensate form of energy and we crave that. They are full of fat, which inhances saity.
Twinkies are bad for us, though.
Our evolutionary sexual programming can be a bad thing. This is why some men waste time, money and effort chasing tail, and why women stay in abusive relationships.
In modern times men divert this natural desire into pornography. If you look at it logically, it's quite an accomplishment to suppress this urge and divert it to something pretty much benign and non-threatening.
The mistake I think women make is taking it wrong. For the most part, the porn has nothing to do with you. It has to do with HIM. It is not because you are not pretty enough or skinny enough or busty enough. It's not a matter of better - it's a matter of DIFFERENT. It may be different than you, but that's not really what he's thinking. It's different than what he HAS. And that has nothing to do with you. If he was married to a woman that big boobs and stipper hair, he'd be cruising the itty-bitty-titty amateur sites.
So, remember, when men cruise porn all they are looking for is DIFFERENT. Variety. Change.
So, unless you want to get a collection of wigs and yearly plastic surgery, I suggest you not take this personally. He's just looking for variety.
And I think playing "brain police" does more harm than good. You are showing him you don't trust him. You are NOT being a good friend and mate. Imagine if he told you that you couldn't post here anymore, or spend anymore time on natural breast enlargement, and he snuck in and read all your forum posts and looked at all the breast stuff. Wouldn't you be mad? Why don't you want him cruising breast stuff with you? Maybe you'd be embarrassed?
Don't you find our urge to want bigger breasts to be more sexually appealing just as embarrassing as someone looking at porn?
So, if he doesn't want to do it with you, he probably IS embarassed. And it might take time to get some of his secrets out, and that opens the way to becoming closer every time.
But trying to control and suppress it is going to ruin your relationship, because it is, after all, his head he's living in.
You need to deal with your insecurity on your own terms. He doesn't look at porn because there is anything wrong with you. He looks at porn because he wants to look at porn.
My suggestion would be to let him have his little secret. It's better than him having a BIG secret. Everyone needs a little excitement in their lives. Porn is just a form of escape from the real world - just like romance novels, except visually oriented. I read a lot of science fiction - I don't plan to leave my family to travel to Mars. I read a lot of vampire stuff - and I certainly wouldn't want to live forever. It's just escape and relaxation. Let him enjoy it without tears. It does nobody any good. All you're doing is making BOTH of you feel worse.
Next time you "catch" him, smile, ruffle his hair and walk out.
Or if you really want to put him in a spin, bend over and whisper in his ear "She's pretty cute - I'd f**k her too".
That'll make him think!
Fawn's 2 Cents
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