Venting...

[Frenchie23]

I know I should post this in gripes, but does anyone look there??

I don't really have a gripe, but I would like to share how uncomfortable having small breasts makes me feel sometimes. At times I think I have made my peace with it, but the truth is I'm terrified to take my clothes off in front of people! I think this is half the reason I have not begun any new relationship in 9 months. it took me so long to be naked in front of my ex and he simply adored my body and couldn't get enough of it, but I wonder if someone else would feel the same, or feel "cheated" out of being with a woman who is..well....womanly.

I don't mean to sound conceited, but since childhood I've always been pretty (apparently!) and since I've been single I am approached by men every time I go out so I guess I'm attractive. My friend is a DD cup and attractive and I receive a lot more male attention than she does.
But something bothers me... it's like for my whole life I've HAD to be pretty, had to be perfect. it's like I've put my identity in my looks, trying to live out some Cinderella fantasy. If I'm not a tall, gorgeous blonde then who am I?? If someone else gets attention, I feel like I must not be good enough. I never show it, but I feel it. It's an awful thing and I think it stems from always thinking I'm not good enough. When people meet me they say how pretty I am and if they don't say it I inwardly freak out. And i see my small breasts as something so shameful because if anyone knew I wouldn't be this model-type anymore (even though, incidentally, models generally have small breasts!)
Anyway, you must think i'm a terrible person now! But that's the truth. And I think i have to give it up. I think I have to stop caring so much about my looks because it's killing me. It seeps in to every aspect of my life.
Maybe I should throw away the padded bras and show the world who I truly am and then I'll be free! And anyone who likes me then will like me for me. It makes me think of Kate Hudson - that's who i think my body is like (sort of) but my breasts might actually be a tiny bit bigger! Maybe, I'm not sure. Anyway I saw the movie How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days and she's so full of life (like me!) and she's so gorgeous and I thought why don't I just let go of these ridiculous insecurities and love my life!
That was a long post... Thanks for listening everyone. I feel so much better for getting that off my chest! It really is how I feel and it's just plain stupid really! from childhood I have tried to live up to being the prettiest, the smartest, the sweetest, the most successful.... It's like I'm living in this warped fairy tale. And it's unrealistic, nothing is perfect!!!
Even my ex was the "ideal" boyfriend. He was gorgeous, came from a wealthy family, was ambitious and hard working and he said and did all the right things. arrrhhhh!! It was too BORING! LOL No more, I can't do it anymore. I am just ME.
Maybe I should give up BE. Maybe I should start being honest with myself.
What do you guys think.....?
THanks again everyone! It's so wonderful to be able to vent here.

[fawnmarie]

I agree - if doing BE - or any other kind of "beauty" treatment causes you to obsess and not be yourself and become too concerned with basically superficial things - then it's probably not healthy for you and you should stop. Give yourself a break and don't be perfect. Besides - there IS no such!

Find other things you want to do with yourself - focus on mental skills or emotional development. Focus on things outside of yourself. Stop worrying about what others think about you - think about what you can do for them. I'm sorry - it sounds trite as hell - but it truly IS a path to happiness and satisfaction.

Pretty's pretty - but it does tend to wear out about half way through this life. A kind heart, an education and a sense of humor last the whole way and good works can outlive us.

my 2 cents.

[Frenchie23]

I agree completely. And I feel bad that I may have given the impression it's all I care about. It's not. I could tell you my life story so you know what kind of person I am, but that's not the issue! It's not trite to say that compassion is the key to happiness, it is in fact what I have been taught and believe in very strongly. Being pretty is completely meaningless, I guess what I was trying to say was I wonder whether I would have the things I have had in my life without it. Having always been this way and people telling me that's what I was from a young age I guess that's where I started to place my worth. I've always known m y worth was in my kindness to others, my sensitivity and my intense love of people (!!) but deep down I worried about my looks. THat's all it comes down to really.
What my friend said to me once that hit home was that I had "beauty with a conscience". I guess she understood because she is the same. it's like you want so much for people to like you for who you are and you never really know if they do. Does that make sense? And when boyfriends constantly say "you're so beautiful" you sometimes wonder if whether you lost your looks they would still be as infatuated? And guy friends are never really being "friends", so you can't really trust them.
The funny thing is I have never thought I was pretty. Ever.
Anyway, I am growing up and learning to just let things go. I KNOW it doesn't matter. The man I want to spend my life with will not care what I look like! I'm starting to go to the store with my hair a mess and wearing old sweat pants and not caring whether I get noticed or not! I don't need to be beautiful - only on the inside. And I see the real beauty in all my friends and my family and it makes me so proud and happy to have all these amazing people in my life. Sometimes I find it easier to find beauty in those without stereotypical looks, if that makes sense. A smile, a sparkle in the eyes, the way someone laughs. Whereas the "beautiful people" are so conscious of their beauty they forget to just be themselves.
And I do have a sense of humour, one of my trade marks is my perpetual laughter
Thanks so much fawn for your response. I truly appreciate you caring enough to reply!

[kathio]

Hi Frenchie,
I think I understand just how you feel. I too am thinking of giving up on BE. I have enough to continue another 6 weeks or so and then I am going to just learn to accept me as I am, put my efforts into liking me as I am.. I have had no luck and have been obsessing over my figure. I have a wonderful husband who thinks my body is great and he tells me that every time we make love. He says my breasts are perfect. I saw the Kate Hudson movie too and I think there is still a whole thread on the other site about it. I have found a wonderful bra at Target that makes the most of what I have and still feels like me. I am also a little larger than Kate about a small 34B. Good luck with whatever you choose.
Kathi

[fawnmarie]

Exactly Frenchie - if you weren't a "real" person with a real heart, you wouldn't have posted that in the first place.

So, what I'm saying is that if you think doing BE is causing you to focus on things you know will only make you neurotic, then perhaps you should focus away from it. Being 'neurotic' means focusing on trivial things. Of course you have a heart and a sense of humor, or you would not have recognized that worrying about your looks was a problem.

Quite honestly, sounds like you're a female. "Pretty" or not, that's what women worry about - too much. Whether they are gorgeous, just average, or downright ugly, women constantly think they aren't "good enough". Those that are not gorgeous spend just as much futile time and energy wondering if their lives would be better if they were pretty, as YOU spend worrying if people only respond kindly to your appearance.

It's nice to be pretty, and I think women should make the most of what we have, since even the plainest woman is pretty with a big smile and happiness. However, it's a side dish to the person inside. I think it's good that you dont' make-up to go to the store. Its what might be considered "inappropriate" behavior to a situation - again, a form of neurosis.

Sounds to me like you're doing a lot of growing inside. I think that's great.

[SomeGirl]

Isn't it sad how we ladies beat ourselves up for being less than perfect? Yet so many men seem almost oblivious to their faults? I believe unless you've been under surgery you are not perfect. I have small boobs that bug me sometimes but I like a lot of stuff about myself. I know I've met cute men, gotten to know them and thought they were pretty unattractive or met average looking guys who ended up being totally hot when I looked at them. Guys go by visuals more then woman and it takes them longer to be influenced by inner beauty. But in the end it's the only thing that has any weight.One of the things that guys really love is confidence, so love your little boobies and who you are!
Cheers.....

[teatowel]

May I please be cursed with beauty in my next life? I will be horribly superficial and take all the attention I can get...shallow, sexual, whatever. If it comes from a guy, its will be good. Sorry hon...I just don't understand the problem, but I do appreciate that you are trying to adjust your attitude and improve internally instead of externally. Live happily with yourself and all that. tea

[Frenchie23]

You guys had me almost in tears... you are so understanding and sweet!
Fawn, your words of wisdom are greatly appreciated. I am so touched that you were able to step in to my shoes and understand where I was coming from. I was starting to regret writing that post because it was so personal and so "real" (admitting to being neurotic sort of goes against the nature of being neurotic don't you think?? hehe) - after saying all those things I couldn't pretend or hide anymore. But the way you responded was a real comfort and I am so glad I wrote it now. Thank you
Kathio, your husband sounds so wonderful, I'm glad you have someone who is sensitive and understanding in your life. And you know that to have someone like that you must be pretty special yourself! I'm sure you thank God every day for him!
Teatowel, you made me laugh! I'm aware of how the post may have come across "Can I please be cursed with beauty"?? LOL I guess whatever we have, we're not satisfied. There's a line in a book about an unhappy, beautiful girl that I think explains it somewhat. It goes "Just because the myth of beauty worked in her favor did not mean that she didn't suffer its injustices also" .
I used to resent being called a bimbo or a snob or a b!tch by people who had never even spoken to me. But you know what? I'm starting to really believe that if we are kind, friendly, caring and compassionate people will respond in kind, and if they don't then who on earth cares what they think?? they obviously have their own problems that make them so judgemental and petty.
Thanks again everyone! I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
Lots of love to you all. xoxoxox

[Frenchie23]

Somegirl.... You are right about men. I think I spend so much time trying to "prove myself" to them (trying to prove that I'm an intelligent, sensitive human being that is!) - as do most women I suppose.
I totally agree about confidence - if you show you're insecure about something they pick up on it and it's a real turn off. Confidence is more powerful than any body part!

[teatowel]

Hey Frenchie...thanks for not taking my reply badly. I was hanging out at the dollar store waiting for my boys at ice hockey practice. I thought about your post. I decided that since i couldn't be pretty, I'd try on reading glasses and try to look intellectual. lol Couldn't see a thing close or far away with glasses on. Guess I'll just have to be happy with excellent sight and health...and yep I've been shoveling snow for days too. I'm not cold, tired or sore. Lots to be thankful for here. Here's to beauty and good health. love tea