Very very depressed...BF issues..

[eternalsky]

Hello friends,
This has nothing to do with BE but it's making me very worried and depressed.

Lately, my boyfriend has become friends with a female colleague. She's very friendly and kind, I quite like her, but the problem is that she's getting too close to my boyfriend. He frequently talks about her during our conversations and sometimes even compares me to her. I will refer to her as Lisa, and will not make specific examples, just in case he's over here reading the forum. (he knows that I post over here about breast issues)

Random example: Me- " I don't like that type of food"
He - " That's unfortunate because on the contrary I do like that type of food very much. Lisa, like me, really likes it.."

Another time, she was going on a vacation with her boyfriend and was planning to have sex with him for the first time. However, she was still unsure of this important step so during this vacation she sent a message to my boyfriend telling him how sad and worried she felt so he sent her lots of messages to reassure and console her.

He is always worried about her, saying things like "poor Lisa is sad" or "poor Lisa her boyfriend is a jerk" poor lisa this and poor lisa that.. Sometimes I think that he is more worried about her than he is about me..

Once me and my boyfriend were talking about shaving. After he told me that he wouldn't want a girl to have too much hair I told him that I do not like the fact that he is hairy too. (sorry but a hairy man is a turn off for me) His answer was, "yesterday Lisa and me were talking...you know, she told me that her boyfriend was not hairy and she didn't like it. But then I told her that I was and she was like 'ohhh nicee' "

I don't think I can take this anymore... I'm afraid that the more he compares me to her the more he will prefer her because they have the same interests, same sense of humour, etc.

I feel so very sad and lonely. I tried to tell him about this problem but he gets defensive and tells me that since he loves me I shouldn't worry about it..

Any thoughts are appreciated..

[flatypus]

i am sorry to hear that. I know that if I were in this situation, I would go absolutely insane.

I think you should formulate your thoughts and pick a time to tell him your thoughts.
Do not chicken out, finish telling him all your thoughts in your most calm manner.
Do not pick a fight or pick a time that is rushed, noisy, etc.
Just let him know that "you don't think that anything is going on between them, but the constant third party in his conversation is like a jab into your bones especially when it is becoming more frequent. You don't want to be immature, but at the same time, these feelings are hard to control."

If he still gets defensive and ignore your feelings, maybe you should take some time to chill off and think whether you still want to be sad and lonely with a guy who likes to talk about another girl who like his hairy body.

[eternalsky]

Thank you for the message Flatypus

I had a talk with him again and he promised me he will not compare me with her anymore and assured me that I am the only woman he loves.

I feel so much better...thanks again flaty!