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Post by Wenonae on Oct 30, 2008 22:54:18 GMT -5
omg. well, there's certainly places (forums, drs offices, etc.) which address issues like this, but from what I've heard in passing- something like this is by in-large due to some mental hang-ups. Does he think it's a problem or has he sought help from someone who's experienced in this?
Wen'
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Post by flatmama on Oct 31, 2008 9:05:01 GMT -5
Chart- Wen' is right. Something like that is usually caused by mental hang-ups that can be caused by SEVERAL different things. Is he actually talking to you about this or is it something you've just noticed? Just wondering. If he's talking to you about it, awesome! Over 7 years of marriage and my hubby still got issues talking to me with stuff like this! But generally, it's usually a mental hang-up. You can PM me if you want, I can help you with just what I know from experience.
About the prenatals- yes they are good to take if you are trying. Then you have all the good stuff in your body before you get pregnant. Prenatals are a good vitamin to take even if you aren't trying too. Much better than regular multis.
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Post by Wenonae on Oct 31, 2008 12:53:58 GMT -5
Chart'- FM prolly has some great ideas for how you help him address this, having been through something like this already. I'd start there. (I don't believe in re-inventing the wheel..lol)  And yep- Google is our friend. Did you find some sites yet? This looked interesting: www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=311327&f=243 Mostly- it's about him getting out of his head (over his fears) and into the sharing of intimacy. Since it was taboo before..I can see why maybe he might still have some residual issues even tho' you're married now. G'luck! Wen' |
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Post by flatmama on Oct 31, 2008 14:04:50 GMT -5
It sounds like he might have some guilt....??
Was he also raised to think it was wrong to have sex before marriage? I know you said it's like that in your circles. If he was, he could have some underlying guilt about having sex before marriage.
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Post by flatmama on Oct 31, 2008 15:31:06 GMT -5
From what I've gone through with my hubby, the guilt is usually something they have to work through themselves...but I can talk to him about what helped him out and everything. I'll let you know.
As far as helping him out..I'm not sure. I know that my hubby would of course, have problems because of feeling quilty, and then the worry over those problems just seemed to make it worse, so there was a point that we didn't have sex for awhile (okay, it was like maybe a week or so)....mostly just foreplay and stuff like that. It was just to help him relax so there wasn't the 'pressure' of having sex. He knew it didn't have to lead to anything but it could if he so desired it too. It wasn't too bad....let us get a bit closer and learn more about each other and what we liked, etc. It's good also, to help you talk to each other about what you like and don't. This was after a few years of marriage.
It's possible, too, it started out as guilt and he could be having anxiety over not being able to cum now, which of course, is making it worse. Men's egos are very sensitive when it comes to sex. Your hubby might be having a hard time pinpointing exactly what's causing it too...but at least now, you have a couple things to talk to him about that might help him identify what's causing it. After he figures out what he's feeling, see if there's something you can do to help him out. He might need something that'll help him relax enough. It's not a bad situation as at least you'll be talking to each other about this. Just remember to give him some time and help him with whatever route he chooses.
1 tip that didn't work with my hubby was to try to explain why he shouldn't feel guilty. It didn't help at all...I actually think it might have made it worse sometimes. He just needs to identify WHY he feels guilty and then work through it...so help him with that, mostly just by talking to him as much as he wants to about it.
Sorry, I know...random scattered thoughts! Hope it helps though
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Post by flatmama on Nov 4, 2008 17:16:28 GMT -5
hey Chart. Glad he's going to the doctor. My hubby wouldn't every do anything like that.
I was going to ask though, how good of shape is your hubby in? Mine has always been in great shape but he didn't do much weight training. We got him started on that and it helped things out. I think it was just the boost of testosterone from lifting the weights...dunno...but it helped out alot.
Sorry, I was going to post this earlier but really spaced it!
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Post by flatmama on Nov 4, 2008 18:57:44 GMT -5
Really, I think a good way to tell if it's more of a mental or physical thing is going to be based on what you said...that he can in other ways, just not during sex. So question is (don't have to answer...just saying) when he does other things and cums...is it alot? is it less then it used to be? is it hardly anything? If it's barely anything, it could be the physical, just the other stuff might be slightly more stimulating or something.....however, if there's a significant difference...I would lean more toward it being a mental reason. Just something to think about. OR he might just need more stimulation during sex....talk to him...see if there's something he would like that you can do for him..(as long as you are comfortable with it) and make sure you get something you want in return! At least it's a fun way that you can help out!  (Wow, I've sure come a long way from the never talk about sex virgin that I was before I got married!  ) |
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Post by flatmama on Nov 11, 2008 13:59:36 GMT -5
That one I haven't heard about....Sounds like it could be a blood flow issue or something. If it happens when you are using condoms or something then they could be too tight.
(Sorry took so long, been out of town.)
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wetdj
New Member
Posts: 7 
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Post by wetdj on Jun 9, 2009 12:28:56 GMT -5
something non-perscription to try
hornygoat weed and L-aginyne (sp?) both can be found at walmart and walgreens. cant hurt to try them out. they work by increasing bloodflow to the nether-regions, as i understand it.
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