Social Anxiety

[yuna0z]

Does anyone know anyone or have social anxiety themselves? I have social anxiety and it is very difficult to live with. I feel ackward around people and its to the point where I can't eat in front of anyone. I am going to try thearpy. But I was wondering if anyone knows anything I can do to overcome it?

[mandydandy]

hi yuna0z,

I'm not a psychologist (yet) but I think I can help. This issue could either be something socially programed (something certain situations in life may have developed) or it could be something off with your brain chemistry. Some people are just introverted, and that's normal, but others may have a problem where your brain produces too much of the "stay away from me" chemical. That can be fixed (sometimes) with certain antidepressant drugs. Therapy is good; your therapist will know what is really going on and can get you the necessary help. Hopefully you'll be able to work it out in therapy and won't have need for the drugs.

Good luck! I hope everything works out!!
Mandy

[bellylaugher]

Hi YunaOz

Just want to let you know that I also have problems eating in front of people. It's extremely frustrating and so hard to deal with, especially with most social occassions are based around food.

I had social anxiety as a teenager, in terms of being around people I didn't know. With friends and family I was fine. However into my early 20s I developed confidence and now have absolutely no problems meeting new people and socialising with friends, colleagues, strangers - in fact, I now LOVE meeting new people.

BUT...

I still have a problem eating in front of people. And the thought of going out for dinner or whatever makes my body react - my heart starts to race, I get shortness of breath, sometimes I even start to get dizzy, and I completely lose my appetite. I know people have misinterpretted that I have an eating disorder (which I don't because when I'm at home, I totally pig out) and that also caused some anxiety for me. I used to not even be able to eat at restaurants with my family (as there were other people around, or I might see someone I know) - I would go there and just completely lose my appetite and barely eat a thing.

I've tried to fight it, and over the years, I am getting better - still far from the point of where I want to be - but I can eat lunch at work, I can go out for lunch or dinner with particular friends that I feel really comfortable around, and I have no problem going out to restaurants with my family.

I still haven't been able to speak to anyone about it except my mum, but she just brushes it off like it's not a big deal. I feel ashamed and embarressed to talk to my friends about it, even my best friend. I tried seeing a psychologist a few years ago, but after about 3 sessions I didn't feel like I was learning anything i didn't already know or hadn't already tried, plus I couldn't afford to keep going, so I stopped.

Right now, what I am doing is forcing myself into those situations where I am eating with other people. Although easier said than done - I still tend to avoid it where I can, but the other part of me wants to overcome this and I know the more "practice" I get at it, the easier it will be. So I'm trying to say YES when I get invited out for lunches, or dinner, or whatever.

Not sure if this helps you, but just want to let you know that you're not alone in your frustrations. But you DO need to do something about it, else it will go on for years and before you know it, you are completely socially isolated because you have avoided everything that makes you anxious. I've been dealing with this on and off for about 10 years, and have definately made progress. It's just another journey.

Let me know how you go.
Take care.

[mandydandy]

hey belly,

just wanted to let you know that I have heard of what your describing; it's actually a pretty common phobia! So your definitely not alone. The best way to deal with a phobia is to do exactly what you're doing: fully immersing yourself in the uncomfortable situation. The more you let yourself eat with others, the less anxiety you will feel (which you've already experienced)! The hard part is just getting yourself in that seat! Friends can be helpful in these types of situations because they won't LET you say no. But it's best to just bite the bullet and sit down at the table.

Hope this helps a bit. Good luck with everything!
Mandy

[bellylaugher]

Hi Mandy - thanks for the encouragement! I do find it hard to talk about, in fact, this is probably the first time I've "let it out in the open", but I suppose knowing that I'm doing it anonymously makes it easier.

Yeah I have read that it is *fairly* common, but I find it hard to believe because I've met loads of people over the years, and have not found another person who exhibits similar behaviour where I've thought "Perhaps they're like me". I think it would make it easier knowing someone else with it to talk about it with and for mutual encouragement, but I guess for now I'm on my own.

But I definately have hope that it will get easier if I keep trying.

Good luck with your BE!

[yuna0z]

So you guys think the best thing for me to do besides therapy is to force myself in the situations? Just to let you know this all started for me in 2004. Before that I was never like this. But all of a suddent this came up. Now it is to the point where it can be difficult to be around family members. I can't even type sometimes if people are around me at work. Is there something I could say to myself to make me think differently. Cause I believe am thinking self-consiously about myself and that's what makes me think everyone is judging me or starring at me. Thanks for yor help people!

[microberry]

yunaOz,

If you ever feel like you need to get some professional counseling, I found a good site that helped me once with another issues. It’s nice because you can get some questions answered privately online by a professional and it doesn’t cost as much as to see a therapist in person and you can do it as much as you feel it helps.

www.helphorizons.com/

Hope it helps.

[bonnette]

i agree with the other anwsers here suggesting You to force yourself into situations that are uncomfortable somehow.

i was very ancious and nervous with stragers and in new situations and seeing that other people feel so comfortable and make friends so fast made me feel even worse.

so what i did was going abroad to study and guess what i really changed. after one year abroad i did it again and this time stayed away two years. still i feel now that i might need one more experience to become a good socializer.

so go and put yourself in situations you scare the most.

[microberry]

Wow, Candy, thank you for doing that for me. I so want to believe you and trust in the process. I’ll stick with it and let you know if something really is changing. I’ll add the juice as well.

Sorry for my incompetence, but where do I check my PM’s? I didn’t know there was such a thing.

[mandydandy]

yuna0z,

it's true that having low self-esteem affects confidence which in turn affects socialization. these feelings can get away from you and make you think that people are scrutinizing you as much as you are scrutinizing yourself. Unfortunately, giving yourself a boost might be harder than it sounds. a lot of how high your self-esteem is may be based on what you experience socially. IMO, you should try to socialize more (even if it's hard) because this will make you more confident, which will in turn boost your self-esteem. from what you've said, it seems as if this anxiety is debilitating at times, because you can't perform regular tasks (eating, typing, etc). in this case, you might have a more servere form of anxiety. if you're also prone to panic attacks (increased heart rate, sweaty palms, feeling like you have to escape) then I would recommend you see a psychiatrist so this person can prescribe you a medication such as Prozac. this is an anti-depressant but it also suppresses servere anxiety (and PMS!). but if the idea of drugs scares you, you can manage this type of anxiety in different ways. one easy way is when you feel your brain start to freeze up, breathe deeply. this lets in more oxygen to the brain which makes it easier to think clearly, while helping you relax. there are plenty of other tips like this on websites like the one microberry posted, as well as some free sites.
Good luck
Mandy

[yuna0z]

Thanks for the advice mandydandy and everyone else. Hopefully I will slowly progress by putting myself in more socially situations. And maybe I need to change my way of thinking. Stop thinking so negativly and think more postively

[thabai]

Hey, I have social anxiety and depression issues, and yes I am being reprogrammed to think differently by the nice lady I go and see. I have to write down all my thoughts, feelings, and emotions when I feel nervous or unhappy. It's helping me see what triggers my anxiety/depression. Hopefully when I can see what triggers it I can start doing things to change my state of mind good luck

[Ever Hopeful]

I also have social anxiety issues. I usually just label it off as being an introverted individual, but sometimes I experience feelings of nervousness and anxiousness. These feelings were considerably worse during my high school years. I would be great with friends, but very awkward with meeting new people. I used to spend most of my lunch periods in the library instead of the cafeteria. It was also difficult for me to eat in front of others, so I used to sorta cover my mouth with my hands as I ate (which probably brought more attention to my eating anyway, lol).

After attending college, I gradually broke out of my introverted shell. I was obviously anxious during my first year with dorming and adapting to a new environment, etc., but once I started to naturally meet new people and make friends, I became a lot more self-confident. I wouldn't say I threw myself into social situations that I didn't want to be in but I gave certain social interactions with people a chance, and sometimes that led to me forming friendships.

It's my third year in college and I'm still feeling anxious, though. I don't dorm anymore (I commute), so it's not about living with roommates or anything. I mostly feel anxious in the classroom setting, and especially when taking a test. My stomach will act up (empty or full) and I can't concentrate. I've tried breathing exercises, slightly meditating/focusing on the subject at hand, but it seems inevitable... I think this semester I'm improving a bit, but I have my first two tests next week, so hopefully my anxiety doesn't kick in and make me want to leave the room like it sometimes does... :x

[MainerMikeBrown]

Those with social anxieties find talk therapy to be useful.

However, others don't, until they get on the right medication(s) for thier anxieties, that is. The meds calm them down, and talk therapy can continue to calm them after they find the right med(s) for them.

So in another words, if anyone with social anxieties finds the therapy to not be useful at first, don't give it up. You may find counseling doesn't work if your not on the right pill. But it can work after finding the right med(s).