Bitchy friends...

[alrani]

I hate my "friends". Seriously.
I had a messy break up with my ex, basically, he dumped me then about 4 days afterwards he had sex with a girl we were both mutually friends with. Naturally, I felt betrayed by both him and this girl.
I confided in my friends, i'll call them B and E, and E even came over to my house the day i found out and consoled me.
On so many occasions, later on, have I found that my friend E has been hanging out with my ex and being all nice and friendly to him, and keeping it behind my back. (My friends were once his friends when we were dating) When i confronted her she was all apologetic, saying it was a nasty thing to do, and that next time she'd let me know what she was doing etc.
My other friend, B, has been hanging out with the girl my ex slept with. I confronted her about that and she was like "oh she means nothing to me, i hardly speak to her, what she did was horrible blah blah" but I found out from another friend that she practically sees her all the time, behind my back.
Both of these girls claim to be my best friends.
Last night was my ex's farewell party (he's going overseas THANK GOD) and i saw on facebook today that B posted a whole heap of new photos of her, E, and other people celebrating at his farewell. Not even trying to hide the fact she went, but blatently showing it off.
I sent a txt message to both of them asking "why didnt you tell me you went to his farewell?"
so far, E has only replied with this:
"We had no plans this weekend. I went to say bye, and I didnt lie or keep it from you. I didnt even know I was going til yesterday. Can we please not argue about this. You're my best friend, not him. You know I still talk to him though, i've been up front about that."
WTF? best friends don't do that to eachother!!!!!
I found out from another person who was there that E got there really early and stayed until past 12:30am. "Only went to say bye"...whatever!

I'm just feeling so stupid and upset - I feel like i've been totally played by both of them.
E has been my best friend for 5 years, why would she treat me so badly, like she doesn't even care about my feelings? Even after talking about this whole situation, and her doing it over and over and apologising and promising it wont happen again?

I feel really torn. On one hand, i really want to be able to resolve things, but on the other, i feel like my capacity to forgive has been stretched to breaking, and I don't think I can just forgive and forget this time.

Please give me some suggestions...I feel so alone right now

[ladyoftheshadows]

Hey girlie,

Wow, I'm sorry to hear about that. Now, normally, I would say that if your ex and that girl are mutual friends with B and E, I might understand them all still hanging out; sometimes you don't want to have to choose sides. I personally probably wouldn't do it, because their actions would bother me, but different strokes and all that. I say that because my best friend has a lady friend who's boyfriend hates him, and I could see how it would be difficult for the girl stuck in the middle.

But what bothers me most is that these friends are being so secretive. That part speaks volumes. I'm going to tell you what I told my best friend about his situation. You need to be very clear with B and E that you feel betrayed (it seems like you have already). Tell them that you're giving them one last opportunity to figure out what it is they want to do. If they want to still be friends with your ex, they need to be honest about it. If you decide you don't want to continue the friendship under those circumstances, you should be honest about that as well. If you still feel you cannot trust them, then let them know that you're going to need to keep your distance from them for awhile, and state why. You don't need to totally ignore them. you can be cordial, but I think you need to let them know that you have some serious trust issues here, and that it's not okay for them to hurt you like this. Give them a chance to honestly explain their side so that everything is all out in the open and honest.

Good luck! Please let us know how it works out.

[alrani]

Hey Ladyoftheshadows,
thanks for the advice
I spoke to both of them, and me and E have sorted everything out. She's realised just how much she's hurt me and desperately wants to make it up to me and has promised she's going to do everything she can to make it okay. we're kind of in a "trial period" right now, i'm seeing her on friday and she wants me to spill everything so she can figure out how to make it better.
As for B, i don't even know. I think she's being really selfish. I explained myself to her, how I felt and everything, and she replied by saying she thinks i'm overreacting and trying to restrict her friendships and stuff. Basically, I told her that I'm trying my hardest to get over this whole situation, I want to move on with my life, but it doesnt help when my best friends are flaunting it to my face and not making any attempt to support me in a time of need. She basically said that she cant handle complex situations and that I was supposed to be a "constant" in her life and she cant handle the fact that I'm feeling so unstable right now, and she "needs time".
Is it just me, or do you think that's incredibly selfish? I help her so much, all I ask in return is support when I need it. She can't just expect me to always be the same, I'm a dynamic person, I have moodswings, I get hurt, I need help sometimes. I'm not perfect, and I don't understand how she could just expect me to not be a complex person???
I don't know what to say to her. All of this correspondance has been through email.....do you think I should call her or wait for her to speak to me?
RAHHHH.

[ladyoftheshadows]

Hey alrani,

Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I've been busy at school and work and some personal issues, and haven't been checking in regularly like I should. I'm glad to hear that you and E sorted things out. Any updates on B? I will be checking back regularly from now on, so next time I'll be able to offer more timely advice.

Let me know, and again, I hope everything goes well!

[alrani]

Thanks for being so caring L.O.T.S
Everything is perfect with E, but B is still being really weird. I don't really care anymore, I'm over it. I figure if she's going to freak out whenever I need help or support then she's not really a friend, so I'm just waiting for her to grow up I suppose.
So i guess everything is good now
Thanks once again for taking the time to give me advice. It's such a wonderful thing when someone you don't even know is willing to reach out and say they care
xox