not a gripe as such....

[charlysays]

along with many women on this board i find i tend to come back mostly when i am feeling down and need a bit of support, even if i don't post, it's just good to be involved in this little community of mutual support and friendship. there have been many times when we've all got support from one another on a milllion issues.

well i find myself in the situation where i am very confused and need a bit of help and advice.

i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, living with each other for 2. things have been a bit lacklustre for a while now and although i knew this it came as somewhat of a shock when he told me he wanted me to move out the day before our 5 year anniversary. no real reasons except he wanted to be himself for a while and not in a couple. we're both still young (21) and i spose i feel the same way but my whole life is centered round him. i am completely broke and have nowhere to go-i'm a student and all my friends have sorted out where theyre living next year and my best friend lives as a lodger with us. my other best friend is taking a year out. it's my final year so very important to me. all my stuff is here, loads of furniture-i've put a lot into this house financially.

since then we've had a heart to heart and agreed i should move out but it's just so hard, leaving someone who has been your life for so long.

also there is another complication. i recently met his guy (rebound i hear u cry?) who i thought was just a bit of fun. i thougth he was just using me, but it turns out we have a lot in common and get on like a house on fire. he is unbelieveably good looking and i think way out of my league. he is extremely keen and texts and calls me all the time-worrying that i will get back with my boyfriend, but he lives 3 hours away so don't get to see him apart from working at festivals. i have been very honest with my ex about this guy and he has been pretty understanding.

but i am so confused, i dont want to leap into another relationship straight away but i am nuts about this bloke. also my ex made me feel a bit guilty about how quickly i met him, but i havent even fancied anyone for 5 odd years, it just happened (rubbish excuse i know) and made me promise i wouldnt rush into anything.

i'm so sorry for rambling nonsensically but i just feel i need to vent. i don't know where i am going to go or what i should do, i really need to finish my education, but feel maybe need to get away for a bit and get myself sorted. new bloke says he'll wait as long as i need to get everything straight as i'm 'worth it'-hmmm we'll see

then theres the sharing my boobs with the new guy-such a scary thought, it takes me ages to feel comfortable naked, but hes very complimentary and does make me feel beautiful-aggggggggghhhhhh

sorry i went off one one again, this time i really will shut up, thanks for listening, and please feel free to yell at me for being self absorbed and a complete winger,

much love, laura xxxx

[Fade]

Hey Laura,

Your situation sounds very much like mine was a year ago. I was in a 6 year relationship that went stale, and I was only 22. except he wasnt so forgiving about me wanting to take a break for good after a 6month cooldown. I believe when you live with someone, and you become reliant on that person, because they've been the biggest part of your life, it becomes comfortable. Even if you are not inlove as you thought, if your feelings somewhat change, you become so scared of change that you stay in your comfort zone.

It seems that you both have talked and it's cool between you, and if things are bad now, it's better to cool it before it's not so easy to go back. ie marriage/kids.

As for the new guy, no one can tell you that it's rebound but you. It might be the real thing, it might not. This situation sounds very familiar too.. Except I moved in with my 'new guy' only about 4 months after we met.. in a different country >.> now that's rebound.. but I didnt see it at the time, now I'm stuck in this other country, havent even told my family yet.. and trying to save up the money to come home.. (thankfully the guy is really nice, and supportive)

Obviously this is an extreme case, and I was extremely stupid, and waiting sometime longer would have saved this from happening. In a really longwinded way I guess I am saying.. This new guy might be 'mr right' but.. take your time, slow way down. Sometimes when a relationship goes stale, and they no longer tell you all the things they did once.. then someone else comes along, and makes you feel beautiful again, it's extremely tempting.

Dun let anyone tell you how you feel, or what you should do, but trust your instincts, and try to take it slow. Everyone told me I was on a rebound, and it just made me try harder to do it.. to proove them wrong.. (or right, as it were) other than that, enjoy being single (kinda), go out with friends, have fun Life isnt all about who you're with.

Also.. lol I so know how you feel about sharing boobs! kinda funny when the first thing you think is 'zomg they're gonna have to see my boobs!' >.> so glad I'm not the only person that thinks like that

Take care, and keep us posted. ^^

Sarah.

[snowqueen67]

Ummm...I must be missing something....he's goodlooking, your nuts about him, he makes you feel beautiful..........

Lifes too short (and I'm too old and too married )

Let us know how it goes!!!! I LOVE a romance.

rebecca

[charlysays]

thanks so much for your replies, it's so nice to have somewhere where i don't feel judged-so much easier than explaining things to people you know-tried to talk to my mum, oh dear-big mistake, she just assumed i was on the way to ruin!

this new guy is very confusing-rang me loads in the first few days of not seeing him, talking about 'the future' which was kind of nice but it seems like i only attract guys who want commitment, and i'm not big on planning for the future. i thought it was sposed to be the other way round-us ladies all desperate for commitment and men running in the other direction, all i can say is sex and the city lied!! but new bloke hasnt contacted me for a few days (except a call i missed) which wouldnt bother me except he was so keen to begin with, grr,don't need this-feeling fragile enough!

fade, i can't believe how brave u are being, in another country!! i hope u manage to get back home quickly!!
and thanks for the advice, it's much appreciated xx
thanks snowqueen, hopefully i will have a lovely romantic story to share with u in the near future, u ladies make me smile xx
much love and thanks, laura xx