age differences

[joyce]

I don't know if I'm ranting or raving or questioning myself or someone else or what...but lately age differences between men and women have been on my mind.................. let me admit something to you guys...technically I'm 17 years old, going on 18...I stopped growing and got my period early on, so I thought it'd be safe to start BE at this age. (sorry if this seems like lying to you guys but heres the story) When I moved to American when I was very young, my age went up 1 year, in a mistake or something or god knows what- but lately it has been fixed on all my legal papers, etc. Ironically this also happened to my dad, hes moved to so many different countries throughout his life he was 3 different birthdays! however, consider he was born in the 1920's which brings me to my next point...

...my father is just past 80 and my mother is just past 50. A 30 year age difference... May seem strange to some, hell it even sounded strange to me until I was about 15 or 16, when I first realized its really no one's business if they thought that was f**ked up or not, because I know my parents were in love when they got married. There was fear that I'd come out defected, but I'm perfectly fine... (or so thats what they tell me )

Anyways, my job...No one ever believes I'm my age. Not only at work but everywhere. I'm 5'9", and have been since I was 14. I'm also pretty well developed or make myself look that way atleast in the boob area. I've always been around adults growing up, and have never really had friends my own age until I was around 13. And in a way feel I am an adult already and have been for a while. No one ever thinks I'm my age until they ask, and then get freaked out. A lot of people don't mind and always forget how old I am, but when they remember its like "oh yeah, haha, you're a little girl still."

To the point...

I have developed feelings for a lot of older guys over the past few months. I know its a contradiction that I want to be taken seriously, but I can't only be attracted to one person. One guy is 11 years older, another is 7, another is 17- twice my age... and no one I like will touch me with a ten foot pole because they're good little boys (I disagree) and are afriad if anything would happen...jailtime. One of them even told me that.

I really don't even know what I'm rambling on about, I just thought maybe someone would have some insight. Personally, I know the 33 year old likes me, and I like him too...but think of all the complications there would be...god.
...And know some people (if anyone even has the patience to read all this rubish) that are reading this probably think I'm a nutcase. (which I am, but for other reasons)

Thoughs?

[hydeandseek]

personally if two people are in love, age is just a number. when i was in my early 20's, i only dated older men. some of the men i dated had kids that were older than I was. i dated a guy that was 51 and i was 21. I dated a guy that was 54 and i was 20. I dated a guy that was 53 and i was 18. so, you can see that most of my romances have been with older guys and you know what? they know how to treat a lady, they've been thru that sowing their wild oats phase in life, most are financially secure and that means no more cheap burger joint dates, and most are very flattered to have captured the attention of a young beautiful woman.

don't feel bad about it, i mean if you're worried about the jail thing, then by all means, wait til you're 18, but if you really can't prove you age, then there's nothing that should be holding you back. good luck!

[Peachy]

Joyce,

my two cents. . .

a significant age difference in itself isn't necessarily a problem in my opinion. however, I think the maturity level, "readiness" and ages of the individuals in question is important. For example, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are now married. . . but when Ashton was 10, no one could fathom such a relationship. An extreme example, but you get my point, I hope. If I take my own example, when I was 18, I don't think I would have been ready to be with someone twice my age . . . but now, at 26, I think I could be (although I don't want to be!!!). Heck, when I was 15, I thought I was okay being with a guy who was 18 . . . but the apparent 3 year difference in age was - if I'm honest with myself - equivalent to about 10 years. . . there was just that difference in our maturity levels (and I was always considered mature for my age - always had friends who were older than me). That's just my initial take on things. . . everyone is different. Just don't let anyone take advantage of you. . . someone who is twice your age has that much more experience and may have another agenda.

Just take care of yourself.

That's it from me. . .
Peachy

[joyce]

I understand where both of you are coming from.

Hydeandseek- you see, that doesn't seem strange to me because of my parents and because of my feelings

Peachy- I understand completely about how people have something else on their agenda...however, my last ex was 18 when I was 15 and I broke up with him when I was 16 and he was 19 because he was still too immature for me.

...but somehow, I am attracted to older guys who are immature but smart, if that makes any sense, so we're still somewhat on the same level.

[shakira8]

My BF is 6,5years younger than me(hehe) and we're having lots of fun together,age doesn't matter at all!

[akira]

I just have to warn you with older men, try to find out if they already have children. Its really kind of unnerving if he does have children your age while you're trying to date him. Even worse when you find out one of your friends who is your age wants to date your dad.

[fawnmarie]

My husband is 8 years older than I am. When we first met, I was nuts about him and knew I wanted to marry him. At the time, I was 11 and he was 19 - talk about jail time!

Now we're 41 and 49 - big deal! (And NO - we didn't date at all until I was 18.)

The biggest age difference I've ever run up against was when I was 19, I briefly dated a man who was 47. He thought I was in my mid-20's and I thought he was in his late 30's. I eventually broke it off with him because he was too immature. So, what does that tell you?

I don't think there's really any risk of prosecution at your age unless your parents (or you) press charges, but in the interests of everyone involved, just wait out the couple of months it would take. (If you were 12, for example, the police would press charges regardless of how you or your parents feel.)

You may not know this, but the age of consent varies over the US, and is not 18 in all states, and may be lower if the other partner is under 25, or under 30, etc. (I.e. - stupid to press charges against an 18 year old having sex with a 17 years - right?)

Here's some lists for age of consent:
www.actwin.com/eatonohio/gay/consent.htm
www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm
www.coolnurse.com/consent.htm


I've always preferred older men (obviously). It's one of those "survival things", and there's nothing wrong with it if you enjoy the differences, laugh about them, or use them to learn from each other. If you can keep details from getting in the way of the relationship (and not laugh at their dinosaur music), it doesn't really matter either way.

Fawn

[jensin]

Hey Joyce,


I just read your post and i certainly understand your feelings. I am 25 and my current boyfriend is 39. (14 yr age difference!!!) I am divorced and my ex-husband was only 2 years older than me....so he would now be 27. He was immature, not responsible, Girls mature alot faster than guys and i've already been unsuccessful in one relationship (marriage rather) and am not about to go that route again. Wasn't looking for an older man, it just happened, he is way more mature, responsible, he treats me better, we have lots in common, we have fun together, i don't look at his age...it doesn't matter. Point being, age is only a number!! Its all in mind.
As far as the age consent, check that out as Fawn suggested. Even if it turns out your state is 18, your 17 ...not too much longer! Then be FREE to date whomever your heart desires!! Thats what important!

take care,
Jen

[hydeandseek]

hey joyce,

if you like this guy and he likes you, then go for it. like i said in my earlier post, i've really only dated older men and never had a painful breakup with one of them. when i dated a few younger guys, it was awful, they were immature little s**** that didn't know how you treat a lady.

and, there is some fun in being with someone that's from a different era than you. you can learn about what life was like when they were young and when dinosaours roamed the earth. i used to tease one of my ex's saying that his first car was probably a "flintstones" car that you'd pedal with your feet. you develop appreciation for the kind of music and movies that he likes, which are probably way different than what you're into.

and really the "may-december" romance isn't just for men....look at demi moore, she married ashton kutcher and he's significantly younger than she is. now, i think that when anna nicole smith married that dude that was 89 when she was 26, now that was a little outrageous , but a difference of 5, 10, 15, 20, even 30 years is fine with me., but that's me. i mean, i'd rather date the father than than the son!

[joyce]

Heheh, I already looked up the consent age in my state. One of those 16-24 and 18-whatever pieces of work...

Right now I wouldn't mind seeing someone older, even the guy thats twice my age, but...I don't know if they make me seriously or not, and I HATE not being taken seriously...

I really don't know whats going to happen. Thanks for your imput guys...makes me think I'm not nuts and immature for actually thinking that maybe these people would take me seriously.

[fawnmarie]

Be advised that they may not take you seriously - even if you were 30! Remember, they're men!



Fawn

[Tweety]

I've never gone out looking for, but always seemed to end up with older guys. My boyfriend is 16 years older than me and has a healthy balance of being a big kid and also very good at the business he is in. My family are the only ones who know how much older he is. He also looks early-mid thirties so that helps.

I was at a class wind-up when one of the girls said her husband is 56. She is 34. She met him while he was in a band. His kids are almost her age, but they have 3 of their own and she is very happy! Age is just a number. One girl in the class was absolutely shocked but I was totally proud of this girl!