devastated, but surviving - just

[marastaya]

Hey everyone, it's been a LONG time since I've been here, but have been lurking again for the past few months.
Firstly I'm devastated because my boyfriend asked me to move out - with good reason. I've been with him for 3 1/2 years & have been working for the famiy business which has paid me a grand total of - well virtually nothing actually. He's asked me several times to get a proper job, but thru some stupid misplaced loyalty I just kept thinking things would get better - WRONG! I can't believe I was SO STUPID. He still wants to see me twice a week, and maybe we can get back together when I have my life sorted out - there's some crap with my ex I have to sort out as well (isn't there always?). Also I found out he's been having "coffee" and "sms chat" (lots of sms chat) with a young lady with a perfect body etc etc, so just presumed he was seeing her, he swears he isn't and swears he doesn't want to, altho I believe she has a boyfriend so am not sure what's going on there.

Anyway, the point is, as I sit here trying to see the screen through my tears, I now have heaps of time on my hands and REALLY need to get my life back on track. I've applied for heaps of jobs, found a place to live and am now concentrating on me. The stress has been so bad for the past year that I've hardly been well at all, I now have bronchitis and have lost weight and I'm really thin to start with, so I look a little like a skeleton.

So I've been to the doc, got myself on meds for bronchitis and vitamin injection etc to get me back on track, and have an excellent diet now. Gotta get healthy again first.

Now to BE. I've bought the ebook (thanks fawn) and have been dowsing for a few weeks. So far I've come up with mirifem and EPO. I'll keep doing it daily and see what else I need.

Thanks guys, for some strange reason just reading this board over the past few weeks has been incredibly comforting.

By the way, I'm doing the BE for me not for him, he doesn't care about breast size and never has. I don't think there's much chance of us getting back together. I believe the only way to make a relationship work is to stay together and fight it out, but he says he's tried that for 3 years and this is basically a last resort to get it through my thick head............what will be will be I guess. I REALLY love this guy, I know I stuffed up and should have put him first - you'd think you'd learn as you get older wouldn't you! Now if I can just stop these d**n tears.

[fawnmarie]

Well, first of all - welcome, welcome! Glad this little parcel of neurosis cheers you!

Secondly, the one good thing about break-ups is that it gives you time to take care of yourself. Okay, that sounds dumb, but lemons and lemonade - right?

Thirdly, maybe you need to talk to the "family" about why you haven't been compensated properly for your services. Family business doesn't mean slavery. If there's a chance you'll inherit and take over, well that's nice, but you need to make a living wage.

And it sounds like your boyfriend loves you, but might be upset about pulling all the $$ weight these past 3 years. It doesn't sound like he wants to "break up" - he just may be upset about having to support all the finances while you work for absolutely nothing.

It's not really a matter of putting "him" first - but YOU first. Surely, your time is worth more than 'virtually nothing'.

So, take the opportunity to assess and then start demanding what you are worth.

Actually, it does sound like he loves you and feels that you deserve better than you've accepted for yourself.

So, yes - eat right, get enough sleep. Don't worry about the "young lady". She has nothing to do with it, really, and start finding the little joys in living alone. They are there. Believe me.

And probably about the time you find them and begin really enjoying them, your relationship with your boyfriend will get back on track and ruin all the lovely peace and privacy.



Fawn

[jennidee]

Hi marastaya,

I'm new to the board, but not to heartbreak, so I just wanted to tell you that I wish you well and that you will be okay. It's so hard to see that in the throes of a split, when your life is so disorienting, lonely and upended. Sounds like you have had stress a long time and that when you are able to get some of your stressors addressed, your self esteem and peace of mind will improve. Then you will be ready for anything and anyone.

IN the meantime, take care of your health, you need that to function emotionally. Eat, even if it is a gallon of ice cream. Take vitamin supplements and maybe some herbal sleep remedies--melatonin or valerian.

If your relationship works out--great. If not, you will be okay. I have amazed myself by what I have accomplished OUT of a relationship--made new friends, did fun new things, took Kung Fu classes! Only recently am I back in one and I have to confess, I kind of miss not having to worry about pleasing anyone but myself. Hang with your gal pals and get support where you can.
Take care,

Jennifer