I'm done!

[specialk]

I'm done with dreaming! It's time to MAKE IT ALL HAPPEN.

I'm new to this site! I will post in the Newbee section after, but I'm posting here first, because this is what is really on my mind! This is a therapy post for me, and will be lengthy!

I am 18 years old. I grew up ugly, skinny, with big ears, no boobs, and I had an underbite. I got made fun of every day and cried myself to sleep every night. I had jaw surgery at 15, and finally things started to look up. I felt for the first time what it was like to be reasonably confident, and most of all, "NORMAL." I started to blossom into a beautiful young woman, but unfortunately I am still skinny, have big ears, and small boobs. I am a 34A, so at least I have some!! Also, I am still dealing with the emotional issues due to all of the intense teasing I went though.

I recently started researching breast growth and puberty, because the thought crossed my mind that "hell, my boobs haven't grown a notch in two years!" I am praying to GOD that I am not done growing yet. If it's true that "breast development is at it's final stage 4 years after you get your period," well then, I'm afraid that will just not cut it.

I have come to a decision about myself and my life. I only have one right? So I might as well do whatever I can to ensure I enjoy myself and feel as comfortable as possible in my own skin. I will do what it takes. If it is superficial, it is superficial, but it's a chance to be a happier, more confident, more successful person.

I am fed up with:
- my big ears
- my small boobs
- these skinny arms of mine
- being pale!

I am going to relieve myself of these issues by:
- otoplasty $2,000-$4,000 (age 22/23, when I have the funds)
- I will try a combo of Fenugreek, Saw Palmetto, E.P.O., and Flaxseed oil, + massage multiple times daily. If this does not work to my satisfation after a reasonable time period: C or D implants, $5,000+. I am tall, I would carry them well!
- Join a gym, about $40/month, KEEP IT UP!!
- Tanning often once the weather is nice. Also enhance with Jergen's Natural Glow. Stick to it! Be tan ALWAYS.


Oh to be able to pull my hair into a ponytail and GO! Oh to fill out a bathing suit comfortably, or AT ALL FOR GOODNESS SAKE. The things I can work on immediately or in the very near future are: BE via suppliments, toning up at a gym, and tanning in the summer.

I am sick of wishing! Sick of feeling inadequite! I WILL ACHIEVE THESE GOALS, so I can move on to my other, more meaningful goals with greater confidence and comfort. I am also sick of being walked over SOCIALLY. I can be really weak sometimes, and have been used and abused time and time again. That's ending. I'm trying to end that, but this will take time, just like anything else.

I have always wanted to live somewhere with no winter. I am in Canada right now, and sick of it! Miami has always had a special place in my heart for some reason, and I am going to chase after it. So has living on a nice, large houseboat! I am going to chase after that, too. Ah, a nice boat on a marina in Miami! The dream!!!

I want to make good money. Another thing to chase after. I have a plan! 2 years of college for a diploma (Electronics Engineering - Computers), and 2 years of University for a degree in a computer-related field. This will get me going, this will get me where I want to be. I start the 4-year road September 07. I will do my best!!

I am going to grow into a confident, independant, successful, beautiful, intelligent woman. I will make sure of it, and am already well on my way. I am the only one in control of my life and I need to take the wheel, nobody will steer this baby for me.

I am a shy person, and contrary to this post, I am not very self-confident! But I get into these moods... these dreamy moods, where I want it all, and it's all within my reach. I like to think this is reality, and when I'm feeling down, that's not reality. That's just confusion.

"The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step" (LaoTsu)

My first step? A mixture of bizarre herbs in hopes that I may magically grow some titt-ays!! This may be one of the first steps, but this is all about so much more than breasts to me. This is about finally deciding to pursue my dreams, instead of waiting for things to come to me. This is a great feeling, but I have a long road ahead of me. A lifetime, in fact. And there will be downs, but out of sheer probability, there's sure to be some ups to!

Thanks for reading to those who did! If it were me, I'd have ran for the door at the sight of the length!!

Anyways, GO ME!!!


P.S. I will probably be in the dumps and feeling hopeless this time tomorrow!!!

[em357304]

Well then, nice to meet you. I've heard your story before, maybe partially because I've been in it myself. I'd like to give you some advice, if you don't mind (If you do don't read on).

I had braces for 4 years and it's increadible how your mouth can bring you down. Before I had them I always thought everyone we staring at my mouth, not to mention that I was about as big around as a pencil, of course with no boobs and I was ugly (girls tend to grow out of that at about 16 don't they ). So I know where you're coming from. I'm glad that you have a beautiful smile now, don't be afraid to show it to people!

Don't worry about being skinny, you're only 18...as soon as you move off to college or whereever you're bound to gain 10 pounds and you'll probably get some boobs with that 10 pounds too!

As for those people that made fun of you in school...they will be forever stuck in high school and probably never make it out of the town they grew up in and will likely not make anything of themselves. Don't worry about them, you'll see at you're 10 year class reunion...and you better go to put them in their place!

You seem very goal oriented and that's such a wonderful charecteristic to have. So many people lack the "go get it" notion. If you think you can do it then you will. Try to stay in that "dreamy" mood you get into. The most interesting people I know are stuck in that mood!

You'll find that the older you get the less and less these physical things will mean to you, however, I do understand how you feel and I know that it's not supposed to be what's on the outside that counts but unfortunatley some people don't get past the first layer, but you probably wouldn't want to get to know them anyways!

As for BE, good luck...it seems to be a long complicated road...I didn't do it long because I don't have time to do it while I'm in college...so try to get at least 3-6 months in before you start school. I beleive that it really does work, but you have to stick with it and have positive thoughts. I hope all goes well for you, be sure to keep us posted! Good luck hunny!

[specialk]

Thank you!!!

I love this site, so many people I can relate to!

[pinksheep]

sad to hear your story, i know how bad people can treat each other! i hope you will achieve your goals and i will pray for you as well. Never give up, people who treat you bad are bad themselves!!!!!!

[satu]

Hi Specialk,

I like your attitude. It sounds a bit like mine. "If I'm not happy with myself, I'll do something about it".

It's good to remember that you're going through puberty still so a lot of these emotions are associated with it. I'm sure you're not ugly at all. There's no such a thing. Everyone has beauty to them. Skinny is normal for your age and when your body turns more into a woman's body, you'll get more fatty tissue in your body. And this definately does not mean getting fat.

OK, boobs: My mom always says that A cups are good. I know the society and media tell you exactly the opposite. There are men who do not like big boobs and there are men who don't care what size of boobs their woman has and usually these men prefer either small or boobs the size area proportionally right for your body. Besides who wants a man who has nothing between their ears but big boobs and looking at other women?!

At your age I wouldn't recommend herbs or BO for boobie enlargement, but I'd recommend taking 1/2 hour twice every day and do aggressive massage with boobie batter (you can find recipes on this board). Boobs develop until you're about 25 and your boobs are not fully developed before you'll have had your first child.

I don't think not being happy with yourself is superficial. I think it's about not being able to accept yourself. Luckily most people learn this at some stage of their life. Just remember that even if you become happier with your body, this does not make you happier generally in life. This you can find inside of you.

By the way if you start herbs, they'll help you with being skinny as well. They will grow fat everywhere especially if you eat sugary things with them, but don't eat too much of them.

Being pale is nothing bad. I have the lightest color possible everywhere in my body and I'd never start barbecueing myself in the sun. It's the most unhealthy thing for the skin. It's good to get a tiny bit of sun because of the vitamins, but this you'll get with your normal daily thing. My mother has worked in the skin department in a hospital for about 35 years and I've heard all those things about skin cancer. Grilling yourself is very bad and when I see a tanned person, I see a sick person, not a beautiful one because to me being tanned means not caring about yourself and having a sick skin. After all the whole reason why our skin tans in the sun, is because it's our skin's emergency survival technique to save itself from the damage that sun causes. Fake tan from a bottle is fine if you don't feel comfortable with yourself, but really not many people have a really white skin. Be proud of it. I'm proud to have a very light complex.

Please don't get implants. There are so many bad things about the and so many failed surgeries (which are not advertised) and you need to have a new surgery every 5-8 years to change the implants to new ones to avoid leakage and all the other stuff. So it's not $5,000 once, but every time you have to change the implants. I don't care about the money, but they really are not healthy for you. Please have a look at this website www.siliconeholocaust.org/siliconestories6a.html You can go to the next picture and story by clicking next or back.

It's fine for you to do things about the things you're not happy with, but please don't punish yourself and choose healthy options.

Confidence in my case has come largely from noticing (after also having been bullied many many times in the past) that there are people who like me as I am and think that I am good. The people who are so sick that want to put someone else down, are stupid. They always have a problem of their own. Otherwise would not need to put someone else down in order to be able to feel better about themselves. People who admit they are weak sometimes, are actually the strongest people. After all the bullying you're still here and you're better than anyone of them. You would never have done the same to someone else. So give yourself time and do things you enjoy and socialise with only people who are nice to you. No point in waisting time in the bitchy ones.

You could start planning going to Miami. Why not go there for 1/2 year to work to see if you like it. I used to want to go to New York when I was your age and now I would not live in New York no matter what. I love trees and green.

You have a good future ahead of you and all good things come to those who wait (and do something about it step by step while waiting). You're already on your way. You have loads of strength inside of you. You're really giving it out here.

Anything I wrote was meant to encourage you and to ask you to take the safe way.
Satu

[specialk]

Thanks so much for your reply. I gotta tell you, it feels good to know that there are still people out there who really care. Just by the sheer time and effort you put into that response I can tell that you're a great person and that you really care about people.

Since I wrote that post I have been changing my mind on and off about whether to get breast implants and whether to tan. I don't know if I want to go the implant route anymore; it's very fake and high risk. I think I'll opt for Brava, I'd rather my own tissue than firm plastic.

And regarding tanning, I was at the point where I was like "who cares if I'm 50 and look like a football, I want to be tanned NOW!" But I've done some deeper thinking and I think I will only tan a little bit on an off, and the rest of the time I'll find a good quality fake-bake for a bit of a bronze. My father died from skin cancer and I need to learn from that, I never want to go through what he had to go through.

I have been taking herbs for over a week now, and also am doing vigorous massage. I've noticed a small difference which is encouraging. Any extra body weight will be a bonus. =)

I definately plan to vacation in Miami firs to make sure it's right for me. I hope it is!


Thank you SO much for your reply!! ;D

[satu]

Hi,

I'm glad to hear you're reconsidering not to take the implants. They don't look good on anyone. They're so fake and mostly they do not feel like breasts. Imagine your boyfriend/future boyfriend touching water balloons under the skin. Not a very nice thought. Good men don't want a woman with implants. They want a real woman who is genuine and intelligent. Brava is a good option. There's a forum for Brava users. I'll PM that in a moment.

I'm glad you also keep the risks of tanning in mind.

If you're taking herbs, please don't take too much as you're still very young and in the middle of your development. Take enough breaks.

Good luck with things and we're here if you need us.
Satu

[syklewrench]

Apr 17, 2007 13:34:39 GMT -5 specialk said:

Thanks so much for your reply. I gotta tell you, it feels good to know that there are still people out there who really care. Just by the sheer time and effort you put into that response I can tell that you're a great person and that you really care about people.

Since I wrote that post I have been changing my mind on and off about whether to get breast implants and whether to tan. I don't know if I want to go the implant route anymore; it's very fake and high risk. I think I'll opt for Brava, I'd rather my own tissue than firm plastic.

And regarding tanning, I was at the point where I was like "who cares if I'm 50 and look like a football, I want to be tanned NOW!" But I've done some deeper thinking and I think I will only tan a little bit on an off, and the rest of the time I'll find a good quality fake-bake for a bit of a bronze. My father died from skin cancer and I need to learn from that, I never want to go through what he had to go through.

I have been taking herbs for over a week now, and also am doing vigorous massage. I've noticed a small difference which is encouraging. Any extra body weight will be a bonus. =)

I definately plan to vacation in Miami firs to make sure it's right for me. I hope it is!


Thank you SO much for your reply!! ;D

Hello, Special K

Just JB here. I am a father of three of my own and two step children ranging from 2 to 24, 2 daughters and 3 son's. I have read this whole thread and first of all you are on a forum that has people just like you : ) God don't make junk !!! !!!!! I thinks its awesome that you have come to a place you can vent and find some solace to reflect on what can be fixed and what is to be left alone and be comfortable with this whole journey in a very special way. Every person on this earth is unique and special in their own way.. NBE is very achievable without very expensive products. As one of the Lady's pointed out you are young and are still growing. This is a time to be patient and use massage with BooBie-BaTTer and explore exercises to shape and compliment your bust while your still growing as a young lady. If you choose some herbals find the hormone test and take it prior to using any. Use this info to select the herbs that will work for your body's chemical make up. This will save money and time guessing through cycles changing herbs like hit and miss system so to speak. If your father passed from skin cancer( my condolences to your loss of your dear father, BTW) Simple bronzing and sensible sun protection is something you will thank yourself for later on in years. This thing with implants is so high maintenance and the risks and disappointments of after surgery nightmares your stuck with is an emotional roller coaster you truly don't deserve this nor does any woman for that matter, darlin. Being a personal trainer for many years I saw woman use there insecurity's to be taken advantage of by Dr's etc because of low self esteem etc that people feed on for their own selfish profit with no regard to the aftermath of the person effected by these changes that rarely are reversible with out a cost and in the end most of the time, it is a cost that is dearly... I remember an article about ears being trained while you sleep with elastic or wet suit material that keeps them in place for hours while sleeping. Something to ponder? As for the vacation, if it hasn't already happened. Find clothes and bathing suits that flatter your good side and be a confident young lady,k. I see so many women with less have so much more to offer these days. You will see in the end that Lady's with bigger assets don't always have the whole package and can be jealous of those with less getting the boys attention their chasing. I truly hope that some of what all of us have to offer all owes you to choose to make some happy permanent decisions that will help you on this wonderful journey in life's E ticket ride from Disney Land.

KEEP ON GROWING ! !!

JUST
JB

[Farmer's wife]

Specialk,

I almost got emotional reading what you wrote. You sound like a lovely young woman who is sick and tired of feeling not good enough. I know the feeling!

I was teased about small breasts too. When I was about 16 I weiged 100 lbs, was tall and had no breasts. Then I started running and gained about 15 lbs. Later I started lifting free weights at home and gained another 10 lbs. So I think if you start lifting weights even if it's just at home watching TV you'll tone up and look great! Or, some gyms have trainers to tell you what you need to do to get the results you want.

I'm concerned, however, about you moving to a big place like Miami since you seem a bit young and vulnerable. I know what it's like to be 18 with a low self esteem from years of feeling self concious and it scares me to think of you going to a huge city where you don't know anyone. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound like you don't know anything-I'm sure you have a good head on your shoulders. I guess I'm having a "big sister" moment.

Just remember, stand up strait with your shoulders back, and you'll be amazed at how just doing that can boost your confidence.

Good luck.

[flatmama]

SpecialK,
Love your thread. You'd really be surprised how many people can relate. I complete know how you feel. I haven't developed any more breast than I had when I was 14. (Except that short period of pregnancy growth that sadly went away) I was made fun of all through highschool but unlike you I didn't get it from people at school. I got it from my family. Day in and day out having to hear from your own mother and sisters how your 'A carpenters dream-flat as a board' not to mention the teasing about my butt getting big. As I said I didn't develop up top but I sure got hips. So none of this did well for my self-esteem. Needless to say I ended up having some problems with anorexia, which definitely didn't help my breast growth. I still struggle with that sometimes, always having to remind myself that I have to eat. I have 2 kids at home I need to take care of and be there for. I'm 26 now and finally starting to get a hold of myself here. My big turn around was when I had my daughter. She is the most beautiful thing but like you mentioned having she has the big ears. They are so beautiful though...she wouldn't be her without them but I know she's going to have problems with them when she becomes a teenager and she's tall, long legs and thin just like me so I know she's going to have the same problems. My husbands sister also got the big ears and she's 30 now and I've only seen her hair pulled back once. She got teased by her family alot too but not at school. I don't want my daughter to have the complex or problems that I have had for years. I know that if I continued walking around feeling horrible about myself she's going to start to wonder what's wrong with her and there's nothing. The best thing I ever did for myself was working out. I started running and lifting weights. I've finally had the chance to experience that runner's high I've always heard about. The first time I ran 3 miles straight without having the walk once was the best. I've never been able to run more than a mile without feeling like I was going to die. My confidence and everything started to change right there and with lifting weights by body has become more tone and ironically I actually like the way my breasts look too. The might be flat but they are tone and not sagging. I still want them larger but I'm at least starting to be happy with myself. I hope the BE works for you (and me too for that matter) but you have to remember that if you aren't happy with who you are right now it doesn't matter what you do or change about yourself, you'll always find something else that's wrong. Trust me, I've been there for years. I haven't worked out for the last 5 days and I'm already starting to feel bad about myself again. You don't have to like what you have but don't let it define how you feel about yourself. Don't worry, we all eventually grow out of that awkward tall, skinny girl that we were and turn into a beautiful, intelligent, sexy woman.